KIM BARNES | CONTRIBUTOR
Soon after I graduated from college and moved to a new town, I started attending the PCA church that I eventually joined. One of my early visits was especially memorable. At the conclusion of the service, three couples were invited up front: the senior pastor and his wife, the associate pastor and his wife, and an elder and his wife. All three couples were celebrating 30 years of marriage. I was in awe.
As a young single woman hoping to be married, I thought this was exactly the kind of church I wanted to join—one that celebrated longevity in marriage and included examples of faithful partnerships.
When I look back at that day and consider how impressed I was by those couples and how wise I thought they were, it’s a little strange to now be in the position of being married longer than 30 years myself. I don’t feel as wise as I imagined those couples were, but I do have things to share that would surprise a younger me.
Sometimes You Should Go to Bed Angry
Many quote Ephesians 4:26, “Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger” as a biblical mandate to resolve all conflict before calling it a night. I think that misunderstands Paul’s imperative.
There are times in marriage when you should probably go to bed angry. Sometimes what you need is a good night’s rest, instead of hashing things out while you’re both angry and tired. God’s mercies are new every morning. Sometimes sleep provides the clarity that midnight conversations cannot.
Acknowledge that you love each other despite the anger, promise you’re committed to working things out, and trust that morning may bring new perspective….
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